Brett Jared's memory: A History

My birthday is coming up quickly. I will be 30 years old. That is, at the most, a third of my life right there. The way things are going with pesticides and french fries, It could be half of my life right there. Lets hope for somewhere in the middle, for the sake of myself and everyone around me who finds me to be a nice Spirit and pleasant to be around. Though, I cannot make any promises that I will be this pleasant or nice to be around when I am 65 years old. If I get to be that old.

The one thing that I have taken a firm hold of in my life is my melancholy and reminiscing memory. I like to look back on the way things were; how I got this way, and what has already happened in my life. For some reason, my birthday magnifies this pondering and thoughtfulness. In the past, I made a list with the Top 25 moments in my life. This took a lot of time and thought, and of course it was hard to choose from memory, what the best moments of my life were. But at the same time, I am happy to look back on all these moments, knowing that in my imperfect memory there are many more that rival these.

My older brother and I joke that I remember more about his childhood than he does. That is not a knock on Bryce. I am pretty sure that he never smoked anything to mess up his memory. I just think that I have a good long term one.

My short term memory is sub par, at best. If I am introduced to someone new It will usually take me about 5 seconds to forget their name. Yet I can vividly recall the day that Bryce got his new Kamikaze skateboard for what must have been his 10^th or 11^th birthday.

So, since this is quite a special occasion, I have decided to up the stakes a bit. I will make a 6 part series on my life, cut into 5 year increments, and will start posting them on May 13^th. I hope to highlight memories that have effected me. If I remember something vividly it must mean that it has had an effect on me. I’m not sure how the skateboard fits into all of this, but I want to try and find out.

The mouse is hopping on the wheel.

At first, I thought that this would take a lot of research. I would need to email my mom and get a bunch of details, time of birth and such, to make sure that I was telling the truth. But then I thought that I would just skip all of that and go with my own memory on this. I might be wrong here and there, but in general I want to see what this thing is capable of. I want the things that I write about to be the things that I remember the most about my first 30 years. The first 10 years or so might be full of memories that are a little hazy. They will probably be shorter entries than the more recent years. But then again, I’ve written about the more recent years so many times during the more recent years that I am actually looking forward to the challenge of digging up fresh memories of the past, if that makes any sense.

So, stay tuned. I hope that what I dig up can be of interest, can give insight to why I am the way that I am, and can encourage you to look back on some of the more memorable times in your own life. And, if I get the facts wrong, I am sure that mom will be able to comment and correct;)

In between now and then I will post my Top 30. I’ll add 5 more and post that on here in a bit, just for a warm up.

To surpass the everyday

It's May 1st. The first day of the month. Here we are. Welcome.

In China, the country takes a breath. Holiday. Families go to the park to smell the flowers. We gear up for the plan of going camping. We might even buy some real hotdogs. It could be a significant event.

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In Canada, records turn out to vote. The early birds came out in flocks. The people are speaking. The issues? I don't know. I'm over here.

Facebook encourages me to get behind a cause. The cause for change. Seems to me that the NDP would be change. Rumor has it that they are actually more popular than the Liberals. And that's crazy, because the Liberals are the Liberals. From what I am told, Harper is the Devil, Layton is a sex maniac, and Iggy is an American. Can we vote for K-naan?

"Dear Africa, you helped me write this by showing me to give is priceless"

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In Libya, people are getting killed at funerals. Freedom is getting pushed into an open grave. No mourning allowed.

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This is life. The world turns and the lights come on in the morning. Blessings and curses. Joy and pain. Justice and the lack there of.

And we are the servants. Taking vessels to the masses. Cutting the grass with scissors. Tossing our cupped hands into the ocean of need.

My biggest contribution to this need is to ignore it. I'm not proud of that, but what can be done? If I can throw one starfish back into the ocean what does it matter when the other ones are begging until death for such mercy?

But who can bare this burden? Even when Jesus was around people still died. Lonely and mercilessly. Once he died and rose we had a better chance at carrying it.

Is there guilt here? You bet. I live among the poorest and my kid wears Adidas.

So I go out there and give a homeless/crazy man a bottle of yogurt and a package of crackers. I hold it out to him. Him, squatting on the sidewalk, looks up to me like he's looking at a ghost. Maybe one of the figments in his mind that he talks to all of the time has finally shown up.

Human interaction is tough for an introvert like me. Human interaction is tough for someone who lives in their own world every day scraping out the garbage for food. Human interaction is tough for someone who most people would consider worthless and not really human at all.

He looks at this ghost with an expressionless face; not easily tricked. This ghost places the bag at his feet and floats away. I might as well have placed that bag at the base of a tree, or an alter. Not knowing if the offering was sufficient.

What can one man do? One ordinary man like me. Is the world set in it's ways? Will we ever give more than we can afford to? Will we ever give to the extent that we would have a faint idea of what it's like to give more than we can afford to?

Jesus said that when you are doing something for someone in need, you do it for him. So, when I was handing out the snacks was that quizzical look Jesus himself, curious as to what I was doing? Based on my track record, this was unlike the usual me.

Did I read him wrong? Was he speechless in a "you don't do this that much but I appreciate it none the less" kind of look? Maybe that was him, looking through the eyes of one crazy man onto another. I mean, I didn't know what to say either. I dropped the bag and ran away. Maybe it blinded me a bit. Being in the presence.

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The sun came out this morning. It rose over the North East mountain outside of our kitchen window. This Faithfulness is something that I am reminded of today. That that very sun will peak through our window once again tomorrow. And, again tomorrow, I will have the opportunity once more to be good. This is the mercy I had been looking for.

May 1st. A new month. My 30th year. I shudder to think about what a selfish person I've been. That, if I think about it and really lay on the guilt, what good have I ever done? Through the guilt I come to the other side. Though I think that sometimes it's good to spend a contemplative moment in the guilt. It's literally the least I could do.

But when I come through the other side I see something more. If mercy is poured out to me, then how much more to those that have yet to receive it? It's there, hanging over their heads like a storm cloud, waiting for me to pull the string. This privilege is something that I get to walk in every day. Oh, that I may not forget it.

Spring makes things new. Trees resurrect. Birds come out of nowhere to sing just because they have a song. Rain washes away the dirt praise the Lord it does. It's springtime. It's May, and I was born here.

Today, socializing... Tomorrow? Certain death!

Somewhere along the line, the computers become self aware and we all die. Though, somewhere before the first independent computers and death is a whole lot of stuff that causes us humans to do stupid and insecure things that lead to such seemingly fictitious and drastic outcomes.

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Above is my version of a Terminator skull. It took me 8 minutes. When I load the post it messes it all up. But don't worry, it didn't look very good anyway.


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Facebook is not a social network. well, never mind, it is. But there is more. Aside from all of the stuff we know it to be, it is one thing that most of us would probably not know it to be.

Facebook has turned into what we all subconsciously love about this world. It's something that we all deny loving, but it is something that we love probably more than most of the nice people we know, and definitely more than most of our Facebook friends.

To unravel that a little further, once you've realized what this "something" is, that this is what you've been looking at, or ignoring but then giving in and looking at, every day, you will probably feel a little sick inside, like I did when I thought about it for the first time.

We have these people, all 397 of them, that post on the "home wall" at all hours of the day, whatever the heck they want. Getting closer to the point, these people have power over us. We have power over these people. This is advertisement at it's most intimate and intrusive. Our friends are advertising themselves to us. They are gathering their thoughts in a way that they feel will put them in the best possible light. They've scoured their iPhoto archives and have come up with their best possible look. They've thought about what they could say that would have the biggest and most drastic effect on you, the reader.

For some, it's just nonsense. We've seen it all, haven't we? Everything from full length paragraphs to some unique way to leave the status space blank. Even a blank space says something though, doesn't it? Otherwise, who would go through the trouble of trying to submit a blank status update?

Back to the point; advertisements. We all hate them, but they are created in a way to bypass this hatred and inject a desire inside of us. When dealing with a car, it is pretty easy because, in the end, who has the money to buy a brand new BMW? But when it comes to friends, what to do? Does it even matter that my friends (and random people from high school) are telling me about their day, every day, for the last 3 years? What does it do to us? How does it effect us?

I think that there are a few things to be sad about here. Firstly, the use of written words is one of the worst and least effective forms of communication known to man. All it gives are words. There is no body language, no "wink wink", no clarity. A friend could write "Looking forward to the weekend." and, because of the lack of an exclamation mark, the other friend could conclude that there is a problem. Or worse, that their friend is thinking about ending their friendship. This sounds silly, but what of all of the little kids that use Facebook? Their whole lives revolve around making friends and desperately trying to keep them.

Secondly, not only is it hard to communicate clearly, it is almost impossible to when people are purposely trying to doctor the truth. Weather it be photos or relationship statuses, we all like messing with people on there, don't we? This is usually for the purposes of an innocent joke or a good laugh, but in the end, do we really know any of those people at all? Think about it. If someone sends you a personal email regarding an important thing in their life, we immediately wish that we could be there with this person; listening to them, crying with them, laughing with them, etc. On Facebook, our friend is instead broadcasting it to the world. "My Mother is sick. Please pray." Instead of the intimate plea to a close acquaintance, your friend has called out to the masses. You can almost feel them gathering around, closing in around and past you, trampling on your friendship as they move towards the person in need, leaving you a little colder and a little less needed.

Finally, the big issue I am dealing with right now, tied into #2, is the fact that with the combination of Facebook and the lack of genuine real-life conversation and interaction, our social lives are becoming overly diluted. Instead of telling your close friends that you're engaged, you are telling every person you have ever met in your life. What does that do to our real relationships? When you have good news, who do you want to share it with? When you receive good news from someone, is there a little bit of joy in knowing that you are one of the first to hear this news? Does it mean something to you and the relationship?

What about the "Hey, does anyone want to go see a movie" status? It is innocent, I know, but how do you respond. What if that person didn't really want you to respond but was instead hoping that someone else would? How would that make you feel? You reconsider. "I'd like to see a movie with them, but I don't know if they think of me as the kind of friend that they would want to go see a movie with. Maybe that message was meant for someone else. Probably."

I am beginning to believe that this dilution is only going to get worse. It's not only Facebook, but what about Skype? We live all the way out in China. Skype is great because it connects us with family and friends any time we want. But could this technology tempt us to save a lot of money by not making regular visits back home to Canada? I mean, if we can just talk to family every day, isn't that just as good as, if not better because it is more often, than traveling all the way home for a few weeks?

An example that, I believe, best paints this picture is Valentines Day in elementary school. An example of a Valentines Day card back when I was in school was something like, "Bee mine" and there was a bee buzzing around on the cover. Inside, Person X would write "Have a super day" on the inside. Now, we all know that this is a bunch of crap. There couldn't be a shallower thing to say to someone, let a lone buying the bulk package from Walmart and giving the same exact card to every kid in the class. This person is not asking everyone in the class to "go steady" with them. What does the receiver of this card do? Cherish it? I mean, maybe if the nerdy kid got this card from the pretty girl in class he might keep it and dream of it one day being true, but most of the kids will probably toss it in the trash on the way out the door.

Are we after quantity or quality? Most would agree that a few real friendships are some of the best things one could have. If we're just after the most comments on our status, then we might miss out on some intimacy. Does it really matter is little Mickey from 3rd grade "likes" your status about hoping that the Canucks will "loose"?

Okay, I am losing it here. Some solutions? Take advantage of the "send a message" feature. It means more to someone if you send it to them personally instead of throwing it on their wall. Or, if you like an article on the web, send it to a group of people you think might find it interesting. Don't send "Cute photo of cuddly dog" to me, because I'm not interested. Send me enough of them and I might have to block you. Why, because I don't want dog advertisements crowding my wall. It's my opinion that "Get killer abs" and "I'm sooo bored" are both forms of junk mail that clutter up my life. One being an actually advertisement and the other being a status update from a friend.

Another idea? Cut back on the friends. A lot of people have done this already. I've deleted "friends" a few times. This isn't to hurt feelings. This is more so for my sanity. I mean, what am I on Facebook for? For one, I want to connect with my friends that live on the other side of the world. I want to show them pictures of my kids. If I show everyone the pictures, it means a little less to the ones that really mean a lot to me, as if I pasted the pictures to the wall of a downtown building in a city I've only been to once or twice.

How to end this, how to end this. Well, take this blog. I want people to read it, but I don't want people who don't want to read it to read it, you know? That's why I link it in Facebook and if people are interested then they can take the step to click and read. Otherwise, people are free to ignore. If I have a status update that says "F*ck my parents, the police and the Church", this is something that would be offensive to some, and the fact that this is digitally thrown in their face leaves them no choice but to be effected by it.

Aside from the above suggestions, I don't really know what to do about it. I don't think that I'll leave Facebook. I think it is a wonderful thing. It's just nice to know that I know that it is effecting me in ways that I would not usually agree with. Once I know, I am able to withhold it from effecting me so much. I mean, knowing about it is half the battle.

So, in closing, lets all try a little harder to be a part of the conversation and encourage real face-to-face relationships. I mean, do we really want computers to have their own social network? At the very least, if they do kill us all and start their own Facebook (or MetalSkullBook), I would hope that our mistakes would be documented so that they could learn from them, you know?

Hatred

I came across this tonight:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110302/ap_on_re_us/us_supreme_court_funeral_protests

I understand that there is free speech. I just don't understand why it's such a great thing. Kindness, compassion, patience, love; these are good things. Why is free speech such a good thing? And what does it mean anyway?

Someone will chime in with, "That's why it's so great. We can say whatever we want. We are free!".

From from what? Hatred? Idiots? Retaliation?

What about 'hate literature'? I mean, does it have to be written down? Is that the loop hole that these haters have found and find so great about America? can they say that they hate certain people but just not write it down?

I mean, isn't it something to think about that these protesters obeyed the laws and legally are in the clear? Think about it... they obeyed all of the "protesting at funeral" laws! Just the idea of such laws is lunacy, but the fact that they are in place to keep 'Christians' in line is probably one of the most annoying and sick things about free speech.

These protesters think that they speak for God. Why don't they just trust God to strike down this mourning family with a big, yellow bolt of lightning? Isn't that the traditional way of doing away with people you don't like; tell them they're wrong and threaten them with God's wrath?

Who is this God anyway? An egotistic homophobic bully? Does he wield a machine gun? Does he have vises? Bad habits? An inferiority complex? Is he a smoker? Someone who's sick of his children? On welfare? Is he ready to pack it in and start over, but first set fire to the whole thing? Does he pick favorites? Does he need us to hate others to get his point across? Does he have a list and you're not on it? His he messing with us? Is he trying to trick us? Does he tell the truth? Does he love us? Is he patient? Is he mad at us? Did we hurt his feelings? Does he hurt our feelings? Is he too perfect and holy to become one of us? Does he hang out with sinners? Does he still believe in us? Would he ever wash your feet? Will he ever stop pursuing us? Will he ever stop being Good? What is good anyways? Is it good like "free speech" good, or does it benefit everyone?

What of these haters? Do we cry for justice? Do we demand punishment and wrath?

My hope is that these haters will one day soon experience an overwhelming abundance of the mercy and love of the true God who came to redeem us from our messes and bring us into eternity with Him.

I may not attend funerals with a picket sign and my middle finger raised in the air, but I am not without sin so I shall refuse to cast stones.